Thursday, December 17, 2009

Buckle up bitches

Christian Lacroix is still keeping busy and will be designing the uniforms for France's largest railway. The uniforms he designed for Air France upped the ante on "Mile High Club" fantasy. My stewardess was so hot that when she asked me if I wanted coffee in French I could have sworn she asked me for my hand in marriage... I myself would rather fly Pam Ann Airlines....as long as they got skymall....








Ladyfag's Little LALALA'S #55

Please make sure all baggage is properly stowed under your seat....Stewardess!....Bloody Mary please and make it a double....I
find the combination of Worsceisture sauce and Vodka is quite helpful when trying to make important desicions.... Do I want the the MARSHMALLOW SHOOTER or the AUTOMATIC MARSHMALLOW BAZOOKA? I mean at double the price the Bazooka only launches your puffs an extra 10 feet, but it does manage to so at double speed with no manual pumping... the pos-s'mores-bilities are endless. For those of you who forget to pack your Vogue for the flight....meet Sky Mall... you're highly addictive new best friend. Leave your misconceptions at the baggage check folks there are plenty of things you never thought you needed but really do. I mean how else would you manage to transport your deviled eggs to the party unscathed without the DEVILED EGGS STACK N' SNAP CARRIER! No, I'm not being fesicious, for the record, deviled eggs are the new foodie oysters and nobody likes the lesbian who brings hummus to a potluck. If you need to reheat your dish enroute there's also the $300 portable microwave oven that you can just plug into your car! Lazy fat girls everywhere are clamboring for this one, sitting on your ass having to wait in a drive through is clearly a thing of the past. On the opposite end of the food chart some of these gadgets seem to make more work. The breadmaker claims delicious fresh-baked bread without the fuss....If I didn't want to
fuss honey I'd go to the bodega on the corner and drop 2 bucks on a loaf of Wonderbread.

They did redeem themselves however with the convenient...POOP FREEZE which is a petrifying pet poop picker upper helper... or a first year art students wet dream. While I'm a sucker for tacky Catholic kitsch their pages of Christ loves me crap isn't really up my alley. It's seemingly unscrupulous next to the TELEKINETIC OBSTACLE COURSE. A game where you put a headband on and it sends wireless signals based on your mental commands to get a ball to pass through an obstacle course. If it reads my brain waves why in the hell does it need 4 C and 3 AAA batteries?....Now that doesn't seem Christian!


What's useless to you might be essential for others. So while the "HOW TO THINK LIKE A HORSE" book is not gonna replace the Kundera's on my bookcase, I have to admit I'm curious I figured out that all the things I want, including the remote controlled tarantula, the worlds largest crossword, the LED rainbow light showerhead and "KEEP YOUR DISTANCE BUG VACUUM" added up to a total of $2055 or $8555 if I splurge on the deluxe at home massage chair. Although I can't imagine people reacting well when they invite me to their home and I take out my handy dandy $199 PORTABLE ELECTRONIC FENG SHUI COMPASS and point it at their sofa. I'm sorry can we sit in your kitchen, it says your Ektorp is messing with my aura.

I Think Skymall could use some tweaking for tweakers ....How about a mini aerosol can of cocaine....I can see the tagline now.... are you tired of fiddling with those hard to open mini ziplock bags?....tired of your keys turning your door numb?.....Enjoy COKE IN A CAN, discreetly looking just like the soda....one spray and you're ready for an enjoyable evening of teeth grinding....or how about ONE NIGHT STAND GOGGLES... As fashionable as Raybans, you just focus on the future prospects bulge and instantly get an estimated girth and length measurement....no more going home to stunted surprises again. Welcome to my own version of Skymall called the "Mile High Mercado"...Buckle up folks.... it's gonna be a long ride....Batteries not included.

Besos Y Brujas,
Ladyfag

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