Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Jean Machine

People have said they can't picture me wearing just jeans...Voila!! A casual day look! Love waking up to gifts in the mail!! (Thanks Steven for the look.xo)...It's House of Holland for Levi's.I hope I don't look back on it in a few years as embaressed as they must be...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Balmania insania

I've already posted my opinion on Balmain. If you want to read it do so HERE. But upon seeing that this cotton T-shirt is priced at $1,625 at Net-A-Porter, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe they're in on the joke too. Balmain is the nightlife equivalent of bottle service clubs. I worked for years at Cain which has now gone under. (No tears from me over the loss of another bottle service club in NY...death to em all!) Basically I got paid and given lots of free bottles to bring my friends and have fun so that the people beside me would see us and buy them at about $700 a pop. The waitresses then put on a whole show with fireworks in the bottles to make these guys feel like they're some sorta celebrity... As they got their bottles, my friends and I would secretly flash each other the L gang sign with our fingers...It meant Loser....If I see anyone wearing this t-shirt I will flash them a B...it means Balmain...Losers.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Eames worthy

CUNTASIA!!!! Saw these amazing sculptures for your feet on StyleBubble and had to know the scoop. They're made by finnish born Julia Lundsten who, as with all the best crazy shoemakers, lives in London. She has been called the "Eames of Footwear" and if you know me than Eames is one of the keys to my heart...after a good pair of shoes of course!She also makes amazing wedges under the label FINSK... for those who aren't into stilt walking. I'll take em all!

Friday, March 26, 2010

A night in the life of...

Just a regular night in Manhattan...Attended the opening of my old Toronto comrade Bruce LaBruce.
Then off I went to present an award at the Hookies. Yes, the Hooker awards....you cannot make this shit up folks!After this, you can tell by the pic that I'm already well on my way to total inebriation....but that didn't stop me from going off to terrorize the East Village.
Woke up the next morning with a hangover, naked and covered in lube. Wait a minute...did I?!....Then I remembered I was wearing a latex skirt. Latex is nothing without lube.

Latex skirt custom made jaquelinemarie@jacquelinemariecouture.com

Last year I also presented an award at the hookies and this is a vintage LALALA I wrote about it, which also happened to mention Bruce. A coincidence that brings us full circle to this year!

LADYFAG'S LITTLE LALALA'S #38
She only works from 2 to 5...Her name is 'Belle De Jour'....A Bunuel classic that will not let you look at horse drawn rides in Central Park the same ever again!...Catherine Deneuve giving you the classic case of the housewife/whore. Luckily the gays are not so in the closet about their Hookin Hustlas....An award show much like the Golden Globes in your pants, I have been asked to present an award for the HOOKIES...also known as the 2009 Rentboy Escort Awards!
Nothing makes nice suburban Jewish parents prouder then having their daughter send them pictures of herself in the back of her local gay magazines. Except for that when you flip over my pics, there's usually an ad for "Pablo" 10 inch uncut Cuban.... Thank you Castro! I think I'm gonna order in delivery of a hot Cuban sandwich for lunch!... But what my tarty tastebuds are really craving is French.... Like a plate of steak frites washed down with a glass of white is French powerbottom porn star extraordinaire Francois Sagat. Not surprisingly he's nominated for two awards this evening, best tattoos and the highly coveted award for best ass. Yes, his fade hairstyle is tattooed on his head, yes, that's him in all the Bernard Wilhelm pics, yes his rendition of Britney's Spears "Gimme More" while brushing his teeth is a youtube sensation...What does one say when they finally meet their favourite gay porn star....you offer to fuck them of course! I mean what was I to say when he made mention of wanting to try doing some straight porn ....I was cool as his cucumber but he seemed quite nervous and in his charming French accent he responded "oh mais no no no I will fuck the woman...it will be NORMAL...like a man....and a woman!...Normal huh? Way to make my silicone strap on go limp. Moments like those remind me I won't be starring in the sequel to "Hustler White" anytime soon. Caught some where between Bunuel and Bruce La Bruce I'm sure there is a film in there somewhere for me. Maybe I should just stay home and order in...I still feel like French... or maybe I should order myself out.......move over Deneuve here comes the Belle De Nuit.

Besos Y Brujas,
Ladyfag

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Always a Lady...

I Say Yes:My friend Alex was searching for my blog with Google and that's the pic he sent of the results. Which means that enough people have been curious enough to type that in, hoping for the answer. A while back if you just typed the word ARMPITS, I was the first image that came up. While yes, mine are pretty "special", there are about 6,810,600,000 people in the world all of whom have armpits. I guess the "specialness" of my armpits is why I often catch people staring at my neck in search for my Adam's apple only to realize I'm Eve....
GOES WELL WITH:
Proof of the puss, from pics I did with Peter Martinez and Mecca Revlon. What?! gotta love a press release that feels the need to specify that I'm a REAL biological woman!
SOUNDTRACK:I live for them... From the synchronized moves with their one arm batwinged kaftans, to their matching Garbo eyebrows and popping lipgloss they make this Lady, feel like a Fag!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Family Function March 20

Dear NYC, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I should have known that a monsoon would not have stopped you from a party. To all those who came out last week in the torrential rains. Thanks, so much!....and aren't you glad you did?! Twas a blast and so we're doing it all again tonight!! It was my hairdresser Brian's B-day and so they were all gonna come dressed in a plastic surgery theme. Of course, as always no but me dressed up...Speaking of, it's Saturday night and I have a party to throw...off to my dressing room to get ready!!This week my sis DJ Nita Aviance spins...>My hairdresser and the gang!With Bitches in The Sky creator Linda Simpson.Resident DJ and indeed a big part of my family....Michael Magnan.Beyond family since were stuck together daily! My roomie and photographer Jason The Black Teen Wolf with Axl Rose. Or maybe that's William.That's Louise. I actually think she's wonderful, I only look sad in the picture cause I found out she's straight. Trust me, I tried.
Gayletter is a hilarious weekly guide to cool gay realted art, culture and nightlife in NY. They came to my party the week before and had so much fun that they gave it a write up for this week. I've been a subscriber since day one and look forward to getting them each week subscribe to em, you won't regret it!!!...they gave my party a solid 4 out of 5 penises, not bad for a gurl whose dick is actually made of silicone! ;0

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Kids these days

I thought I was pretty lucky as a kid cause my mom braved the battling lines at ToysR'us to get me a Cabbage Patch Kid. Apparently I was ripped off...Suri Cruise says fuck you to that, she totes around an $850 Ferragamo bag. I guess little Mercy told her mom Madonna about it and landed herself a $235 D&G bag....Here's the ones I picked out for them. This Ferragamo clutch is made of stingray which is one of the most naturally waterproof materials in the world. Suri can now take a bath with it, since she's obviously not the rubber duckie type. Little Mercy gets an animal print purse from Dolce and Gabbana. Madonna, don't you know that D&G is the cheaper line. Shame on you for treating your kid that way.

Happy birthday McQueen

Yesterday would have been Alexander McQueen's 41st birthday. This last collection, the final gift that he gave the world, is filled with a calm poetic beauty that makes me dream of medievil castles filled with elegant maidens...I hope his birthday's wishes came true wherever he is.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

These shoes are the shit

These shoes might make you feel like you're walking on air, but in fact you're walking on elephant dung. Street artist INSA created them based on Chris Ofili's "Holy Virgin Mary". INSA even went so far as sourcing the poop from the same family of elephants from the original piece. What a relief to wear a pair of shoes that don't have you worrying about stepping in dogshit along the sidewalk, now if only people would stop spitting their gum on the floor... In 1996 NY dictator Giuliani tried to have the piece banned from the Brooklyn museum since peterified elepant dung was used in depiction of Jesus's mama....I guess if she got pregnant without ever fucking, It shouldn't seem so strange that she stayed thin without shitting.

Happy St. Patty's day

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Bitches in the Sky

That's right, get ready for some kinky shit!...Introducing East Village legend Linda Simpson's fabulous gender bending photonovella where I play heartless business bitch Lucinda Black. BITCHES IN THE SKY

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I say yes

I SAY YES: As night creeps closer to day, nightclubs start thinning out with tired guests. The only people left standing are usually those who have spent half the evening in a bathroom stall. Those same people have a tendancy to be able to discuss any topic for hours on end. Luckily these "stop talking" cards are only $8.00 a pack at the Cooper-Hewitt design shop.

GOES WELL WITH: Tony Montana
SOUNDTRACK "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode

French does not always mean chic

Serge and Jane. This is the epitome of French chic. It's what I like to call "Chic Conasse"Sonia Rykiel is also the epitome of a sweet french fashion chic. So it made sense when she entered the trend of collaboration with H&M." Sonia Rykiel is so totally Parisian, the epitome of chic. This is the spirit of the Sonia Rykiel pour H&M" Said H&M creative director....So this is the French spirit, huh?!.......Not Chic Conasse at all...

Family Function

I've heard the call of the wild.... Actually it's just the call of all the boys bitching at me that there's nowhere for us all to hang out, get drunk on the cheap and dance to good music on Saturday's. I listened. Introducing FAMILY FUNCTION....taking us back to our East Village roots where good music, good fun, good people, reign supreme. Because the Mama's and the Papa's taught us that incest is best. Let's keep it in the family....Starts this Saturday, see you on the dancefloor!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sasquatch

This is from Chanel's new 2010 collection. Looks Like Karl's been hanging out in the wood's with Big Foot a little too long....Are you fucking kidding?!!
Much more noteworthy is Toronto artist Allyson Mitchell's "Lady Sasquatch" show....Giving new meaning to Beauty and the Beast.

You've got the look

Record Makers Promo from CreativeApplications.Net on Vimeo.

My friend Stephane in Paris just sent me this new video LOOK by French singer Sebastien Tellier. "details of your look,like your touch...killing me by shoot" Diamonds pouring out of her pussy?!! ...Literally Chic Conasse!!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Oscars

The Oscars were a big bore. from the dresses to the dance number I wasn't so entertained. Luckily I was at a lovely Oscar party where upon seeing Colin Farrell, Jana the hostess exclaimed she had his infamous sex tape. We took a break from boresville to watch it, and then Jana served fresh waffles with homemade raspberry puree and hemp ice cream. In the words of the feral Farrell, "I could eat this for breakfast lunch and fucking dinner"There's was nothing noteworthy in the looks department. Sarah Jessica Parker wore an awful Chanel potato sack and deperatly needed someone to douse her hair with anti frizz serum. Charlize theron had ridiculous roses on her tits that made them look like target practice. I actually liked J. Lo for once in her Armani and I thought Diane Kruger while safe looked amazing in Chanel. It's the Oscar's time for some real glamour peple!!! Luckily Zoe Saldana's gave us a little taste in her Givenchy couture.
Here's a vintage LALALA that I wrote before last years Oscar's.
Ladyfag's LALALA's #34
Bring on the swans....It's Oscar time!! I can only hope that someone will bless us like Bjork did with an egg laying ensemble...In a rare Oscar year for me, I can actually say I've seen a few of the nominated films.... Apparently that's more than I can say for the judges! A few years ago I was disheartened to learn that the judges do not actually have to see all the films. The Oscars are an institution, and as with most institutions in this fine country they are above scrutiny....thus they've left me with no choice but to discuss what is never above scrutiny...Red Carpet Looks....Before there was Bjork ...there was Cher...Obviously I can't help but love the women who take fashion risks....That doesn't mean I have to like their looks....Cher's feathered mohawk headpiece is still making me wince, but I'm glad she wore it. There is an art to creating a fashion moment so that you don't come across looking more desperate for attention than a Twink's wiggling ass...Gweynth's awful black see-through Oscar look was just that...see-through...whereas Streisand's slightly see-through Scaasi pantsuit caused a scandal which was as chic as chic could be....The Amex dress was a too much of a gimmick to be called fashionable but I'd rather wear that then Paltrow's pale pink bore. Beautiful needn't be boring, I would trade trade in half of my lovers for the chance to wear Marion Cotillard's Gaultier mermaid dress and I'd trade in at least last weeks lover for Michelle Williams stunning yellow Wang gown. Those dresses were an embodiment of Ladylikeness and if I kept my mouth shut and wore one of them I might actually be mistaken for one...who are we kidding monsieur I am a croquemadame and I've get the eggs to prove it...Bring on the swans!!!
Besos Y Brujas,
Ladyfag

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Westwood the witch

In the summer I finally got my ass over to Engalnd. Upon arrival my host asked me what I most wanted to see. "Vivienne Westwood" I replied. Then what? she asked. I hadn't thought that far ahead. A pair of booties and a fabulous top later and I was one happy Lady. The fact that we don't have a Westwood store in NY is grounds for bumping us down a notch on the list of world's best cities. The recent collection was one of my faves in a while. All the classic westwood blanket style masses of fabric that are a perfect mix of volume and tailoring, the whimsy of extended webbed gloves and crowns that belong at a children's birthday party in a classic westwood reference to monarchy, and right up the Ladyfag alley, a beautiful genderfuck of women with little moustaches. Strangely at the end of the show a real cat was thrown at her, she picked it up and confirmed what I already knew. The woman's a witch....and I am under her spell! Pics from style.com

Friday, March 5, 2010

Prickly feet

Carmel Walsh wants you to think about the earth beneath your feet. Using local organic farmers for leathers and textiles to create shoes that show off the green thumb on your toes. Don't think the cactus prickles will make you many friends on the dancefloor...